Alien mishaps

14 04 2008

These are a few amusing anecdotes  


  • My friend went to get a driver license; they asked him ‘do you want to register to vote?” He was an Alien student, he could not vote, so he thought they were asking if he wanted to register (get a license) to drive a boat. He said sure…. needless to say he won’t be voting or boating any time soon.


  • A girl Alien friend needed help with some packages, she asked a man at the store to help her, once he was done trying to be polite she said “I am sorry to have molested you”. The guy looked at her funny and left. She did not understand. The same word ‘molest’ in Spanish means to bother, she wanted to say “I am sorry to inconvenience you.” She was so mortified when I told her what she had actually said.



  • I met an Alien that did not like the food here at all and would not try any US food. One day she told me she had tried a dish that an Indian coworker had prepared, a dish that she loved, she praised the spices the flavor and Indian cuisine, the name of that dish was Riceroni…


When you have an accent most of the time, the words sound good in your head, but not when they come out of your mouth.


  • My mother in law has this problem when she orders tea she gets beer, when she orders beer she gets tea.


  • My Dad was looking to buy linens, he went to a store and again trying to be polite he said ‘can you please tell me what is the price of these shits (sheets)’ He could not understand why the lady got so upset and didn’t want to help him.


  • For some reason everytime I try to say soccer it comes our as sucker, I have settled to say the other football.



Never assume people don’t understand


  • My husband and a friend were walking down the street, a few feet behind two women, the guy were speaking Spanish, they were saying how much they liked the ladies’ ass-ets. One of the women turned around and said ‘Gracias’.


  • When I first  moved here I joined a conversation class. I made friends from China, Russia and Africa, my African friends spoke French, one day they were talking about me, how hot they thought I was and how much they liked my ass-ets, they assumed I did not understand; later I was giving them a ride and they forgot how to say turn right in English, so I said it in French. They looked like deer in the headlights, right before they got out of my car, one of them asked ‘do you speak French? Do you understand everything that we say?’


  • I used to have a coworker from Mexico, she and I would speak in Spanish most of the time. One day a guy was fixing her computer, my friend was smitten; she started talking about how cute he was and all the things she wanted to do to him, I tried to stop her, so I said ‘Luis, so how much Spanish do you know, he said ‘enough to understand all the things you guys are saying’, she disappeared until he was done and gone.




Lessons learned. I gave this post to a friend to review before posting, this is what he got from it: ‘Latinos and African men have the same taste for the junk in the trunk’. 🙂










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